


War of the Squirrels

by jinnoripperroo



Series: The Milk Wars [1]
Category: Conker's Bad Fur Day
Genre: Comic Relief, Death, Gore, Loss, Suicide, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-19 05:36:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5955618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinnoripperroo/pseuds/jinnoripperroo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The SHC and Tediz have gone to war. This details the Old War, which happened before the events of Bad Fur Day, to the New War, which happens 200 years after Bad Fur Day. Several SHC soldiers not only fight for their lives, but the very existence of squirrelkind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Draft

**Author's Note:**

> To make this a little more interesting, I want your custom soldiers in this plot. Give me a description of them and I'll add your soldier to the story in some way or form. Leave your custom soldier's description in the comments below.

Read the notes on how to draft your custom SHC soldier to the war


	2. Beach Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The SHC have invaded the Tediz H.Q. Kripplespac is going fire the Big Gun of Doom at a SHC battleship. If the SHC doesn't stop him, the battleship will be destroyed!

It's a cold and rainy day The clouds were a complete grey. The SHC boats were arriving towards the Tediz H.Q beach. Jack held his rifle. He knew that this rifle was the only thing to protect him. He wasn't feeling too good because of the cold rain, yet he continued with the battle against the endless army of Tediz.   
Sarge had said to capture three parts on the inside of the base. However, there were turrents and mortars mounted on the outside of the H.Q. Jack had a horrible realization; If the boats arrived on the beach, they were sitting ducks because the mortars and turrents would open fire the second the soldiers stepped off of the boats.  
Jack began to sweat heavily due to this realization and his illness. Suddenly, the hatch on the front of the boat opened. Immediately, sounds of gunfire and explosions travelled through the air.  
"GO GO GO!" someone yelled.  
Jack immediately sprinted towards the base. He ducked his head to avoid being hit. Explosions were everywhere and the air was filled with the sounds of gunfire.   
Blood was spilled from the corpses of killed SHC soldiers and combined with the sand. Some even lost their arms or legs from the mortars and were bleeding out. Jack avoided the barbed wire to the best of his ability.  
Suddenly, Jack felt a sharp pain in his leg.  
"Fuck!" Jack cursed. "A stray bullet hit me. Shit, it stings. But I have to keep going."  
He was right. If he stood still for even a second, mortar fire would blow him up. Several SHC soldiers were already at the entrance to the base. They couldn't be hit by the turrents or mortars.  
Jack had finally reached the base, his right pants leg was a crimson red and had a hole from the bullet. Jack dug out the bullet with his pocket knife while tears came out of his eyes. He wrapped bandages around his wounded leg.  
"You okay?" a SHC soldier said to Jack. "You aren't in the condition to fight."  
"I'm going to fight," Jack said. "I have to defend my home. I'll be damned if I let killer teddy bears destroy everything we worked for."  
Jack dashed with the squad inside of the Tediz base. They were met with gunfire from Tediz in the corridor.   
Fornuately, more teams appeared for backup. Jack noticed that his friends Biggs, Wedge, and Vicks had arrived. With the help, the corridor Tediz were destroyed and reduced to a pile of fluff. Wedge noticed that Jack had been shot in the leg.  
"Damn Jack," Wedge said. "Tediz got you? I'm suprised you still have the guts to keep going."  
"There's no time for that!" Jack said. "We have to keep going."  
The squads marched through the corridor. Suddenly, Vicks smelled an oddly familiar smell.  
"Biggs and Wedge," Vicks said. "You smell that?"  
"Yeah," Biggs responded. "I hope it isn't what I think it is."  
"What does it smell like?" Jack asked.   
"It smells like...blood and dead bodies" Wedge said.  
The squad was silent for a while. They reached a lab and saw sights they would never forget.  
Tediz doctors were doing surgery on a SHC soldier, who screamed for someone to kill him. Bits of flesh and blood were all over the iron table. SHC soldier bodies were in bizarre pods with green liquids and another SHC soldier was being injected with various experimental drugs and toxins.  
At this point, Jack vomited. The SHC opened fire on the doctors, the bullets tearing into the doctors' body. The dying SHC soldier was pale from all the blood he lost. He looked at Wedge.  
"Shoot me and end my pain," The SHC soldier said to Wedge.  
"You'll make it," Wedge said. "What's your name?"  
"Nuts," he replied. "I was with the Acorn unit. We tried to inflitrate this base, but they caught us and did horrifying experiments to us. One by one, I saw my team die from 'necessary' surgeries and unethical drug tests. Kill me so I can join them."  
"You'll make it," Biggs said. "Vicks, patch him up."

Meanwhile, Kripplespac swore and threw a cup out the window.  
"Zis is not good!" Kripplespac said. "My Big Gun of Doom is aimed at vat SHC battleship. But it needs time to charge. Vanity, help me!"  
Vanity the light purple squirrel with red irises appeared while wearing his purple robe. He wielded black magic to the fullest extent. He had betrayed the SHC in his quest for power. Now he served Kripplespac. However, Vanity was only using Kripplespac to further his own hidden agenda.  
"What is it that you require?" Vanity said.   
"Ze Big Gun of Doom needs time to charge. If you could stall ze squirrels for a while, vat would be good."  
Vanity waved his hand and summoned black orbs. These orbs zoomed to the lower levels of the Tediz H.Q. The black orbs formed a purple wall, blocking Jack's progress.  
"The hell is this?" Vicks said. "Some kind of magic barrier?"  
"We don't have time for this," Biggs said. "We have captured the lab. We need to capture the weapons armory and the top floor. Sarge informed us that the Tediz had some kind of weapon that they're going to fire at our cruiser.  
Wedge punched the barrier. "Come on, let's wreck this wall!"  
The team whacked the wall with all their might. The wall wasn't budging at all. About two minutes passed. The wall suddenly vanished along with the black orbs. It's like the wall vanished because it felt like it.  
"Let's go!" Jack said.   
The teams dashed around the halls, eventually reaching the armory. However, Tediz were already there and gunned several SHC down. After an intense battle, the armory was won, although both sides experienced heavy casualities.  
"Vicks, Jack, Biggs, and Nuts," Wedge commanded. "Let's go up to the top floor. I can hear Kripplespac. The rest of you stay here and defend the armory."  
The squad ran up the steps to the top floor where Kripplespac was waiting. Biggs immediately blew Kripplespac's legs off with a shotgun, causing a shower of blood to gush out of the stumps.  
"Shit!" Kripplespac cried out. He grabbed a microphone and yelled into it.  
" All Tediz personnel, retreat!" Kripplespac shouted. "Return to Castle Von Tedistein!"  
Vanity teleported Kripplespac away. Jack fired his rifle, only for Vanity's shield to deflect the bullet. Vanity teleported away, but before flipping the bird.  
The SHC had won the battle, which was called Beach Dead. Many SHC soldiers didn't even make it to the H.Q. However, the SHC could rest easy for a while. Jack could finally get his leg properly treated.


	3. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens after Beach Dead and the origins of vanity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Add your squirrel oc!

Jack's leg was properly treated, but he had to stay out of the battle for now. He's succeed by his girlfriend Cherry, making her way into Jack's unit, the Chestnut Unit.

The SHC located the next base as Fortress Deux. A former prison now an abandoned area, the Tediz turned it into a base. Although they had the base pinpointed, they had to make a plan.

Vicks and Wedge were playing cards, cursing at each other.  
"You fuckin' twat!"  
"Ain't my fault I'm better than you!"  
"Hush up!"

Vanity walked the wasteland known as Dark Land. A world once inhabited by his people, Dark Land was taken over by panthers. A young Vanity's parents were enslaved and killed. Vanity joined the SHC in hopes they would retake Dark Land. When it became obvious the SHC was ignoring Dark Land, Vanity betrayed them by murdering his unit. Using his foul black magic, he brutally slaughtered the panthers, thus taking over Dark Land for himself.

Sunlight never touched Dark Land. The trees were black and there was an eerie fog. Vanity is now the ruler of Dark Land. Vanity joined the Tediz to overthrow Kripplespac and increase his own power.


End file.
